a Father’s Rejection
According to Science News, a father’s love is one of the greatest influences on personality development. The pain of rejection — especially when it occurs over a period of time in childhood — tends to linger into adulthood, making it more difficult for adults who were rejected as children to form secure and trusting relationships with their intimate partners. Furthermore, A 13-nation team of psychologists working on the International Father Acceptance Rejection Project has determined that children and young adults are likely to pay more attention to whichever parent they perceive to have higher interpersonal power or prestige.
The rejection I experienced–and still do, on occasion–has been debilitating. It prevented me from truly enjoying this wonderful life as God intended. I blamed everything on my mother, which is common in father rejection. And to this day, I can get angry at the drop of a hat. But, if you can work through it, see it for what it really is, a defect in the father, you can get through it and do it well. I am a survivor, in the truest sense. My worth does not nor did it ever depend on my father’s love. His hatred for me is sad, but hatred in all forms is sad. Hatred is a sickness of the mind. Love is the only remedy. And with rejection, it is especially important to know that self-love is the first step in the healing process. Unless you live as a hermit, which some choose to do in order to deal with their rejection, you will often be reminded of your “not ideal” childhood. You may work very hard at loving, forgiving and healing; then one day, you will hear something on television, on the news, or in conversation and Bam, it’s back. That deep, dark, pitiful feeling inside. More work to do. For me, it’s back to the cushion, where I sit and meditate. Remembering I am one with everything, yes, I AM my father and every person who ever hurt me and I am every person who ever loved me. I am the world. That’s hard to swallow, being given eyes to see the separation and all the senses that seem to confirm that I am me. But the truth is, I am everyone. When you hurt, I hurt. When you are happy, I am happy. It is in the denying this fact that we continue to suffer. If we don’t care about one another, we will not fully grasp the essence of this statement…we are our brother’s keeper. To deny this, we deny who we really are. So, we will see what we want to see, not what is really there. That’s the way some folks like it. I know, I know. But to those who continue to suffer and are looking for a way out, here is a solution. There are no pills to take, to place to fly to, to surgery to undergo. It’s internal and it’s eternal. It is your eternal self you want to see. That is your ticket. That is the way out. – S